Forgive me!
by Gyemese
Summary: Chapter4 is up!But I need a betareader,'cuz grammar is hard! Warning:contains darkadult material!R&R please!
1. Default Chapter

Okay, this is my story for the SH. Illness Contest.

Once again, sorry, I was late, but I had an awful first week in school!

The things in the "…"-s are thoughts. 

Holmes + Watson = not mine! 

Warning! My native language is Hungarian, not English, I try to write correct, but mistakes can happen. 

Read and enjoy!

Title: Forgive me!

His returning nightmare waked him up in the middle of the night. He stared at the ceiling for a moment and took a deep breath. This dream was haunting him for the third night. And it was always the same, with the same ending. 

" If only I had a case! " He thought, and looked at the clock. It was midnight. Holmes got out of the bed and walked to the window and he gazed out into the deep and dark night. He watched the street for long. Two prostitutes were standing in a gateway; his wife dragged a drunken man along the street. Later two young men came and they talked to the prostitutes. They walked away together. And the street was empty. Empty, dark and cold. But Holmes could still see shadows moving in the night. His head was aching. It was like horses were running inside of his skull around and around. He felt dizzy, and he had to sit down. He sat in a chair for a while whit eyes tight shut. But that throbbing horserace in his head didn't stopped, his eyes were burning, like his eyeholes were made of red-hot iron. 

"Maybe a little sleep will …No! If I go back to sleep, that nightmare returns! Hold on Holmes! This night will be over within a few hours and I'm sure that the morning will bring a case! " He told himself. He wrapped himself into a warm blanket and pulled his chair to the window. As he gazed at the stars he had fallen into the opened arms of dreams.

Watson's P.O.V. 

I arrived early in the morning to our flat at Baker Street. It was dawning, when Mrs. Hudson waked me up, because Mr. Horace White was looking for me. He was my friend for a long time, and I couldn't imagine why he wanted to meet me in such time. He told me, that his Wife begun to labour and She wanted me to help Her child to this world. Thankfully, there was no trouble along the childbirth and Mr and Mrs White became the parents of a healthy and strong little boy. 

I've found Holmes in the living-room whit a man and a woman. They were his clients, I was sure about it, and I didn't wanted to bother them. I got up to my room and I lay down to make up for the sleep I've missed. 

I haven't seen Holmes for two days. I knew that, he was on a case, but he told nothing about it. On the third morning he arrived. But somehow, he was not himself. He had dark circles under his eyes, because he wasn't sleeping for days now, and his face appeared to be paler, than it's usual and he looked tired and exhausted. 

- Good morning, Watson! 

- Good morning, Holmes! How's your case going?

- I see, that the art of deduction seems to be affecting you, Watson. 

- It wasn't hard to find out. You had two visitors and soon, you disappear for days. I think It's elementary, my dear Holmes! – He was laughing at my little joke, but as he finished it he touched his forehead and he grimaced painfully. 

- Holmes, are you all right? – I asked and walked over to his side

- It's nothing, Watson, just a little headache. It will be over soon, don't worry! 

- You don't look so good! Have you been eating regularly? "Stupid question!" And when did you sleep last time?

- Watson! Don't be so childish! I'm all right. You know me better than anybody else in this town, that means, you know my good and bad habits, aren't you? 

- I think that, you need some rest. For God's sake, Holmes, you overwork yourself! Think of your health!

- I'm doing it right now!

- And what does it tells you? –I asked sarcastically

- It tells me, not to stay for long, if I don't want to be annoyed by a maniac! 

- Holmes! This was unworthy from you! Your nerves are already…

- Don't come with this thing! You come up with it always! You should really figure out something new! – Now, I was really angry. 

- I see, I'm wasting my time with you!

- Strange, I wanted to tell the same! But if, you don't mind, I've got important work to do. Goodbye! 

I haven't seen Holmes for two days, since our arguing. I was worried for him. I knew, he wasn't well and still I let him go. I should have done something to stop him! But what? Tie him to a chair? Trap him in his room? Ridiculous! "Holmes is a grownup man, he can take care of himself! If he gets ill, it's his fault, not yours!" I told to myself, but I was still worried for him. 

Narrator's P.O.V.

It was late at night, when he decided to go home. He wasn't feeling himself all right. The throbbing in his head didn't stopped. It was worst than ever before. The horses turned into elephants, hundreds of elephants. His joints were aching and they were weak. He felt as if he would collapse in every minute. His legs and muscles were powerless, and his knees were shaking. It was a cold night but he was sweating. He was breathing heavily. His head, his eyeholes and his skin were burning but inside he was shivering from cold. He leaned against the wall of an old house and looked around. He was in a dangerous part of London in a dark alley. His eyes were burning, he couldn't see clearly. He saw red spots dancing before him. He felt dizzy; the whole World was turning with him around. He held the wall tightly. His eyes shed tears, he was sleepy, he wanted to lie down for a little rest. Just for a moment. " No! You mustn't go to sleep! Understand? MUSTN'T! If you lay down, you may never wake up! Hold on! Just hold on for a while! Okay, don't fall into panic! Think!" He looked around to find out, where he was. But it was difficult. He felt sore all over. His eyes were heavy and tired. He sighted. He closed his eyes but the throbbing, the red spots, the weakness and the pain were too strong together. " Just for a moment! " But his will finally won the battle. Slowly, with shaking, weak legs, he began to walk. He stopped at every corner, every gateway, but never for long. Once he had fallen, but he stood up and walked longer. One thing gave him strength. He wanted to see Watson. He wanted to apologise for his rude behaviour. Watson was right and he didn't listen to him, no worst than that, he hurt him. He wanted to say sorry, he hated himself because of their arguing. This kept him on his feet. He needed Watson's forgiving! 

Well, that's all for now. I'll be working of the next chapter! Be patient! 

I hope, I'll get some points for this!


	2. home

Hello! Finally, I've finished the second chapter of my story for the Illness Contest.

Read and enjoy! 

Thank you for the rewiews!

Special Thanks to Alexia S. Luclwit for help She gave me in the grammar!

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Watson's P.O.V.:

Finally, my last patient was gone. Deciding a nice walk would do me good I get my hat and leave my consulting room. It is a cold, but clear evening and somehow, the air is cleaner than it used to be. 

" Well, This was better than riding in a carriage!" I told to myself as I went home, when I heard something from a dark alley. It was very strange, like moans and cries and some evil laughter mixed with thuds. I took my revolver out of my bag and ran to see, what was going on. 

It was as I thought, some rascals beating up somebody who was already on the ground curled up in a fetal position. I shot the air with my gun and the rascals ran away. I rushed to the side of the man, to see if he was alright, or in needing of my assistance. 

Narrator's P.O.V.:

Holmes found himself in a familiar alley. He knew this place very well, and finally he could have a sigh of relief because, he was not far from home now. But he had to go on, because the pain in his head grew stronger and he felt terrible in the cold. 

He begun to walk, but he couldn't see, therefore it took him as a surprise that some shadows were about to surround him. 

- Good evening Mister! - He heard behind him, and turned around to face a tall, well-built man who was staring at him, with an evil smile in the corner of his lips. Holmes wasn't a fool, he knew what that smile meant and raised his stick to protect himself, but he could only hope, that there were no more than two attackers. As he looked over his shoulder, he could see, that there were at least four men behind him and another two appeared 

next to the one who was already standing in front of him. But he didn't show fear.

- I said, Good evening! - Shouted the man 

- Good evening for whom? - Asked Holmes - I don't think you stopped me, just to have a nice evening chat. 

- You're right. But I thought that you would enjoy a little company. Oh well! At least it's still my lucky day! - Replied the man taking a step towards Holmes. 

- I warn you, not to come closer or else…- Holmes let it trail off in threateningly.

- Or else what? O, I'm so afraid. Please, don't hurt us! - He said and the others begun to laugh. 

- Hey, look! He's all-alone against us! That's not fair for us! - Said another one from the group. 

- Okay boys! - Said the first man, who was the leader of the group - We've had enough fun, now let's get to work! 

One man from the group jumped at Holmes, but he hit him hard with his stick, suddenly, he felt dizzy, and missed the other guy. In his weakened state he didn't swing fast enough and one of the men hit him. 

In the next moment, Holmes could see a metallic flash in the moonlight and he felt the sharp blade of knife in his flesh. Later he felt was a hit on his stomach and later another on his side sending searing pain through him. The last thing he could remember was the cold and hard ground and the punches and kicks raining all over his body. 

A few moments later the rascals heard a shot and they saw somebody running towards them. They ran away as fast as they could, and left their wounded victim behind. 

Watson's P.O.V.:

As I knelt beside the man, I could see immediately, that he is unconscious. Carefully I turned him. 

My blood ran cold with fear, it was Holmes! . No words came out of my mouth; I've never been so horrified in my life. 

- Holmes! - I screamed in fear. I shook him a bit, and slowly, his eyelids opened. I don't think he recognised me. 

- Holmes! Can you hear me? It's me Watson. Holmes!

- Wa…Watson - he pressed. His eyes lit up for a moment, he tried to say more, but his voice was barley audible rasp.

- No, don't speak! Hold on, I'll get you out of here! - I ran to the end of the alley to find a carriage. Thank God, one was standing not far from me. 

- Hey, cabby! - I yelled

- Sir? - Asked the driver raising his eyebrows but I didn't answer him, I just grabbed him by his arms and dragged him to the alley. 

- Hey, What do you want from me? - He demanded, starting to resist.

- Help me to get this man to your carriage! - And I tried to help Holmes up, but the driver didn't move.

- What are you waiting for? This man is wounded! - I exclaimed.

- I don't know…

- Listen! - I was very angry but I needed this man's help - You'll get five pounds if you help! - Needless to say, that worked. The driver became as fast as lightning and a few moments later Holmes and I were in the carriage.

- To Baker Street 221 B! - I ordered and I turned to Holmes to see his wounds. He was in critical condition. Blood was dripping from his deep wound moistening his clothes. 

- Watson! - He called my name in a weak voice

- Don't speak, Holmes! - I touched his brow - Oh, my God! Holmes, you're burning up! - And than, I saw the pain in his eyes and the teardrop that rolled down his face. His face was paler than ever; it was almost as white as chalk. His bloodless lips wanted to speak but he couldn't. His eyes were about to shut, but I shook him. 

- Holmes, you mustn't go to sleep! Don't sleep, Holmes! Stay awake at least until we get home! 

- I…I'm so tired - His whisper trailed off.

- I promise, you can sleep, if we get home! - I forced him to look at me - But until I forbid you to go to sleep! Not now!

Thankfully, we arrived. I got out of the carriage and helped Holmes out. I put my arms around his waist and tried to hold him up. 

- Watson, I can't… I'm going to fall - moaned Holmes and he collapsed. With the driver's help I got Holmes to the house. Mrs Hudson opened the door and She screamed in terror 

- Oh, my God! What's happened? Doctor Watson, What's happened?!! 

- Mrs Hudson, bring me hot water, salt and clean sheets to Holmes's room as fast as you can! - I ordered and our poor landlady rushed to the kitchen to get the things I needed. 

I paid the driver and send him away. Later Mrs. Hudson came with a kettle and a big bowl. She also brought the salt and the sheets. 

- Thank you Mrs. Hudson!

- How is he, Doctor? - Asked She, fighting back Her tears

- I don't know yet, but he was knifed - was my reply, and closed the door before She could ask something more. I removed Holmes's clothes to examine his body. 

- Those, bastards! - I hissed as I saw the purple and red bruises that covered his torso. Than I turned my attention to the bleeding wound, caused by a knife. 

Thank God, it didn't reached internal organs, but because of the loss of blood it was still a dangerous wound. I cleaned it and put some salt around it to stop the bleeding. I had to sew it up. When it was done, I sighted in relief. He was still unconscious, but this helped the examination. I removed his trousers to check his abdomen. There were bruises, the same as on his torso. Now, I felt sorry for I shot into the air and at those bastards. 

A few presses on his belly and on his abdomen to see if he has internal bleeding, but fortunately, I found nothing. But as I checked his torso, I've found two broken ribs. 

Later, as I dressed all his wounds I went to wash the blood off my hands. When I got back, I had another hard work to do. I had to get him into his nightshirt. 

It wasn't easy but finally I dressed him and laid him on his back. I tucked him in and I sat on the edge of his bed for awhile watching him sleeping. 

Later he begun to turn his head from side to side and the expression on his face meant that he was having nightmares. He gave a few soft cries and finally opened his eyes. He panted a bit and looked around to see where he was.

- Holmes, It's okay, you're home - I told him

- Watson! What's happened?

- Hush, you need rest! - I admonished. However he continued, as though he had not heard me.

- I can only remember the streets and…and the headache…and than the… - he paused as his mind recalled the happenings of the last few hours - The beating - he gasped and looked around as if he was about to find his attackers in his room. I put my hand on his brow to calm him down. I was sure, he had high temperature, his brow was burning and he was sweating. 

- Calm down, there's no one here that can harm you. 

- Are you sure? - He asked me.

- Yes I am. I won't let anybody to hurt you.

- Really? I know I wanted to tell you something, but I can't remember - he had a confused look on his face, and I supposed he was delirious. 

It took me an hour to calm him down enough to examine him.

- Now, stay still, while I do this!

- I'll do whatever you want, just ease this tormenting pain! - He moaned and pressed his hands on his head. 

He offered no resistance during the examination. He was too tired for this. His temperature was 103 degrees. I gave him a pill and put a wet scarf on his brow. 

- How do you feel? - I asked when I finished.

- Awful. My head hurts, my skin is burning but …strange…inside it's cold. Strange, isn't it, Watson?

- It's because of the fever…- I explained, but he interrupted me

- Watson! Send this other one away! 

- Pardon? - I didn't understand who he meant, than I noticed the gleam remained in his eyes.

- Tell that other Watson to get out of my room! Now! - he said and now, I understood. He saw two of me sitting at the edge of his bed.

- Holmes, there's no other Watson in this room.

- There isn't? But I thought, two of you were talking to me!

- And how many voiced did you hear? 

- Ah… just one. 

- See? If we were both speaking you should have heard two voices! - I figured talking sense to him might draw him out of it.

- But I…

- No need to argue! - I warned him and raised my finger - Now go to sleep while I tell Mrs. Hudson to bring you something to eat. 

- I don't think I can eat. I have no appetite. - He said closing his eyes. 

- But you must! When was the last time you had a meal?

- I…can't remember. But I don't want to eat!

- Don't be childish! You know quite well, that sometimes we must do things we don't want! - He had no answer for this. He just closed his eyes and before I stepped out of the room he was asleep.

But I knew that it's not the end of the fight, not at all.


	3. Dreams and secrets

Hello Everybody! I'm back!

Warning: This chapter contains dark and adult material! If you don't like it, well… don't read it! If you read it further: You've been warned, so don't hurt me!

Very Special Thanks To Alexia S. Luclwit For Her Help! Lot's of hugs to Alexia! 

Watson's P.O.V. 

I slowly walked down the stairs to find Mrs. Hudson. 

When I found her she was sitting in the kitchen, sobbing. Damn! I totally forgot her! I should have calmed her after I finished with Holmes, but I didn't do so. The poor landlady was probably worrying for him, and because I didn't inform her maybe she thought that Holmes was in VERY bad conditions. I drew in a deep breath and stepped in, putting my hand on her shoulder to comfort her a bit. But before I could say a word she grabbed my hand.

"How is he, Doctor? Will he recover? You must tell me!" she asked and new tears appeared in her eyes. 

"He is sleeping now. He has a very high temperature, and he was attacked, but don't be afraid, Mrs. Hudson! He is a very strong and stubborn man; he won't give it up! He'll be fine sooner than you think! Don't be afraid!   
She sighted in relief and calmed herself a bit

"I'm glad to hear it! Still I'm worried! He wasn't sleeping very well in these days, you know."

"How do you know this?" I asked and a sad smile appeared on her lips 

"My sleeping-room is under his, Doctor. I can hear everything that happens in that room. Before you two became my tenants, two students lived here, and well, they were young, handsome and they loved to bring girls home. So that's why it was my condition to you that no woman could come here, except of course, Mr. Holmes's clients. But for now, I wish, he was making noise with women. Sometimes I heard that he was walking up and down in his room whole night, or he was playing on his violin…" she said, looking up, and begun to sob again.

"Mrs. Hudson," I started "first of all, Holmes just needs some time to regain his strength. He hasn't been eating for days…" I couldn't finish because Mrs. Hudson lifted her head drying her tears, she rose and went to the stove. 

"I think I know what he needs. Something that is not so heavy, but nutritious. Now, how was that recipe?" She asked herself and I remained silent while she was working. I couldn't help to wonder what she was cooking. 

Than came the doorbell. 

"I'll get it, Mrs. Hudson!" and I rushed out of the kitchen into the hall. For my great surprise, when I opened the door, nobody was there. Maybe the kids were enjoying themselves again. I slammed the door and went back to the kitchen, where very pleasant smells greeted me. 

"Who was it, Doctor?" asked Mrs. Hudson.

"Nobody. Maybe the kids were playing with the doorbell."

"The second time in this week!" she said, and turned to me with a tray. On the tray there was a bowl of soup, and some bread. The soup's sight wasn't as pleasant as its smell.

"Here it is, Doctor," she said "My family's secret. Very nutritious and It's ready within an few minutes!" She said smiling proudly. 

Thank you very much, Mrs. Hudson. What would I do without you?" I said and took the tray up to Holmes's room. 

When I got there, I stopped for a moment in front of Holmes's door, listening carefully. I heard some moans and the other sounds of crying mixed with the sound of a flustered breath. I pushed the door open and almost dropped the tray. Holmes lay on the floor, trying to push himself up, while he was gasping for air. 

I put the tray down, and knelt beside him, holding his shoulders.

"Holmes! What's happened? Are you all right? Did you hit yourself?" I asked, but he wasn't looking at me, he didn't want to look at me. 

"I just wanted to go the bathroom, but, when I stood up, the room started to turn, my legs collapsed, and…" he said swallowing and looking to the floor, as if he was ashamed for something. "I didn't exactly make it there." I saw the wet stain on his night-shirt, and understood what he meant. I felt pity for him; I know very well how proud he was and how much this hurt his pride. I knew that his weakness hurts him more than the physical pain of his illness. I gently turned his face, and swept his dark hair from his eyes. His forehead was burning, yet he was shivering and tears were rolling down on his pale face.

"I'm sorry for making so much trouble, I don't …" he started, but he couldn't speak because of his tears "It's so _humiliating_!" He whispered, and started to sob. I pulled his head to my shoulder, and started to gently rub his back, to calm him down. But I was worried very much. The pill I gave him earlier didn't bring his fever down. The thermometer was needless, I could feel on his body that if I don't do something, he would die, or never recover fully from the damages in his health. My blood froze for the thought that the fever can make serious troubles for his heart. 

"Come now!" I said when he was a bit relaxed, and tried to help him up. 

"I can't." he whispered in a weak voice. 

"Then hold on to my neck!" I said and put his arms around my neck, while I put my arms around his waist. I helped him to the bathroom, and undressed him.

"What are you doing?" He asked and lifted his head up to meet his feverish gaze with mine. 

"You have to get washed," I said and I didn't tell him, what I really wanted to do. I helped him to the tub and opened the tap. As the water reached his shivering body, he almost jumped out of the tub in shock.

"It's cold!" 

"It is! Your fever is life threateningly high, and as your doctor and friend I must do anything to bring it down. Please sit down!"

"Don't you have a considerate method? I'll freeze into death!" 

"You won't. Don't be afraid," I said and pushed him back to the now almost full tub. 

Holmes didn't scream, but only because his breath stuck in his lungs for a while. He was hissing and gasping for air and just then gave a high toned cry. His fingers held my arms so tight and firmly that they left little purple marks on my skin. He was fighting for a while, but finally, he gave up, and sat still. He drew up his knees and put his arms around them. He was shivering uncontrollably and his teeth were chattering. He hissed and grimaced in pain every time I touched him with the wet sponge. I had to be very careful because of his wounds, especially the one in his side. 

When it was done, I got a towel and wrapped Holmes in it. He looked at me with anger for I dared to bring him in such situation, but I ignored it. 

He sat down to his armchair, while I made his bed and cleaned up after his … "accident". I also got him a clean nightshirt, and helped him to bed. 

Then came the next fight. It was never easy to make Holmes eat if he didn't want to, but now he was even more stubborn than ever before, as if he was taking revenge for the cold bath. With all the two hours long fight I could only force four spoons of soup down on his throat. And for my great sadness, the fever remained; though it was not so high, and this was a little success. 

When we "finished" with the soup I took a syringe from my medical bag. 

"What do you want with that?" He asked as if I was holding a knife in my hand. Knowing his acquaintance with cocaine and other drugs, it took me as a surprise to see him act like this. His eyes filled with fear as I took a step closer. Then I saw the delirious gleam in his eyes I sighted as I realized that another fight is forming between us. I didn't know how long can I hold on. 

"I'll give you an injection."

"What for?" He asked and pushed his back against the head of the bed, not taking his eyes off me.

"Because I want you to get better. Don't you want to bee healthy again?" "_Fine_!" _I thought, "Now I'm speaking as if I were talking to an idiot!_ "It will ease your pain, and will help you to go to sleep."

"Then, I don't want you to give me it!" He said, with a sad expression and looked away. He pulled up the sleeve of his nightshirt and focused his gaze on the bruises on his arm. I put down the syringe and took a step closer. Something was disturbing him, and I wanted to know what it was. But before I could ask anything, he spoke.

"I don't want to sleep," he said and curled up. I was a bit surprised, but I tried not to show it. I sat beside him on the edge of the bed.

"If there's something bothering you, you can tell me about it." I said and he turned to me hesitating, but finally, he spoke. 

"I have nightmares Watson. Or… To be quite frank, I have only one dream. A dream that has been haunting me for days." 

"Nightmares can be caused by fever."

"But it started before I got ill! I tried everything to stop it, but it was in vain. Nothing helped me. I tried the cocaine, but it made my visions more vivid and horrible. Then there were the sleeping pills, the meditation… but nothing could take this nightmare away. And here I am now, ill, wounded, my eyes are burning, my joints want to crack, my limbs are weak and my head is aching as hell. And I wish nothing more than a few hours of sleep… but I don't dare to go to sleep and face that nightmare again!" He said and a teardrop rolled down on his face, and looked at me with all his desperate need for help, "I can't take it much longer, Watson! If I can't get rid of this dream, I'll go insane, before I die because of my wretched illness!" 

I sat in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. It's a pity, that there's no scientific solution for bad dreams. No treatment, no pills. Poor devil! My poor friend! What he went through in his dreams? I knew that I must do anything to help him.

I drew him gently closer, and took him to my embrace. He never was a man of emotional acts, but now, he embraced me back tightly, and pushed his head against my chest. 

"Tell me about your dream, Holmes!" I said, "I can't guarantee that it will help, but maybe if you talk about it… It worth's a try, isn't it?" 

Then, he straightened up again into a sitting position, and wiped his tears. 

"In the beginning, it's seems to be a pleasant dream. I'm lying on my back on a beautiful field. The field is cowered with flowers, and the sky is blue. Everything's so beautiful, so perfect. It's seems that my clothes are the only black and white things in this colorful world. I feel myself fine and happy to be there, and most important, I know that it's safe there. The warmth of the Sun and the gentle breeze makes me sleepy, and I close my eyes…" he said and his voice trailed off, then, he took a deep breath and shut his eyes tightly, before continuing. "Immediately the warmth disappears and there's nothing left, but cold wind. I open my eyes to find that the Sun is gone and the sky turned pitch-black. When I look around, I realize that the field has gone too, and I'm lying on a hard rock…" he stopped to collect himself "I realize that I'm chained to the rock, and my clothes disappeared too… The shadows around me start to dance and laugh… and fire surrounds me… Each flame, each shadow a laughing, demonic face… They are laughing at me and they twinkle to the darkness… I know, something's moving at my feet in the dark, but I can't lift my head up to see what it is! Something's pushing me down, and I can't move… I'm scared, frightened! Each of my nerves are telling me to escape, to run, before It's too late, but I can't move …Then, for my greatest horror a huge snake emerges from the shadows. It's a cobra. The huge spectral is towering above me, and I can feel his disgusting, slimy body on my skin, as it coils on my body! And he's smiling, while tightening his ugly embrace around me. His toxic saliva is dripping on my face, and I try to escape but I can't, because he's suffocating me, with his embrace… Then comes the next shock… The cobra's face is now altered into a man's face… A laughing, horribly deformed human-snake creature is holding me…My heart is beating painfully hard; I fear that it will jump out of my chest. I know I'm alone; no one can save me… I make desperate efforts to cry out… But no sound can come out on my mouth… I want to scream, I know I must scream… But I can hear nothing but the laughter of the demons around me, and the spectral on top of me! - He almost shouted the last few words, before collapsed into my arms again, sobbing. And I set speechless, still under the effect of the story. What an abhorrent nightmare! It can be quite shocking to dream it from night to night. Now I started to understand, why Holmes didn't wanted sleep. I looked down at him, and caressed his head and rubbed his back. I wanted him, to feel that he's not alone, that I'm here to help him. 

"Hush! Don't cry, Holmes! Your fever may rise if you cry. Hush! There's no snake that can harm you now, you're safe! You're safe! Hush! I'm here with you!" I murmured to him, and slowly, very slowly, he calmed down. 

I gave him the injection and he showed no resistance. I tucked him in and put a wet scarf on his forehead. 

"Watson?" He whispered.

"Yes, Holmes?"

"Would you be so kind to stay with me for a while? At least until I go to sleep?"

"Of course, Holmes! I'll stay, I promise!"

"Thank you, my friend!" He whispered and fell asleep. 

I watched him sleeping peacefully, and then I went to the window and gazed out. For my great surprise, it was snowing out and the streets were white already. I watched the snowflakes falling with pleasure. It was the first snow of the year. I took a step backwards and accidentally kicked the paper basket, which turned over and everything fell out of it. 

I knelt down to put the papers back, when one piece of paper caught my attention, because I saw the name "Mycroft" on it. I know that it's a very impolite thing to read other people's letters, but I was very curious about what the elder Holmes wrote. 

It wasn't very much, just a few words:

Dear Sherlock,

Alasdair escaped from the asylum! My people are already searching him, but they didn't find him yet! Be very careful! 

Mycroft. 

Who could this Alasdair be? And what he has to do with Holmes? 

I understood from the warning that for some reason he can be dangerous for my friend. Was he an old enemy of Holmes? A foe from the past who wants to take revenge? 

I threw the letter back in the basket and tried to forget about my darkening thoughts. 

I sat in an armchair, watching the snow again. It was two in the morning, when I looked at the clock, and suddenly I realized how sleepy I was. I wrapped myself in a blanket and fell asleep. 

I woke up to a sound, which I couldn't identify in my half sleeping state. The first thing I saw was the clock. It was four in the morning, and it was still snowing outside. Then I heard that sound again. A weak, whispering "No" was it. As I understood, what that meant, I was fully awake. I lit one lamp and went to check Holmes. 

He was still sleeping but he was tossing and turning wildly in his bed. The painful expression on his face and his moans revealed to me that he had his nightmare again.

"No…Don't…Go away…Please don't!" he cried. I bent over him and shook his shoulders to wake him up. 

"Holmes! Wake up!" I called his name and suddenly his hands reached out and grabbed my arms. His eyes flew open and he looked at me with horror.

"No! Please don't do it!" he screamed hysterically while he was trying to push me away from him. I smacked him in the face to stop his hysteric attack. He stopped screaming immediately and he looked at me, while gasping for air. 

"Holmes," I started, "It's me, Watson!" Then I watched his face to find that he was fully awake now. And then, he put his hands on his eyes and started to cry silently. I took a deep breath.

"It's okay, Holmes…" but he interrupted me angrily

"No! Nothing's okay!" He said and sat up in his bed.

"Holmes, it's just a dream, and if you try, maybe you can alter this nightmare…"

"Can you alter the past?" He asked

"The past? What do you mean?"

"I know quite well why this nightmare haunts me!"

"Oh, really?" I asked searching his face for any sign of delirium. 

"Yes!" he hissed "but if I tell you, you won't be my friend any longer!"

"Why do you think that?" I asked totally surprised. I thought that I proved enough times to him that he can count on my friendship. Why didn't he trust me now?

"Because even my fiancée left me because of this!" 

"What?" I asked. He had a fiancée? He, the absolute bachelor? Who despises womankind and love?

"You're surprised, aren't you?"

"I am, I admit! For goodness shake, Holmes! What's happened to you? I thought you trusted me enough to tell me about your past! I thought that I was your friend!"

"You are! That's why I can't tell you about my past! I don't want to lose you!" 

"Then, trust me! If you think, you can't trust me, well then you already lost me!" Maybe I was a bit rude to him, but in the moment, I didn't care. It hurt me very much, that he didn't trust me, that he kept such an important secret. He was hesitating and he remained silent.

"Fine!" I said and stood up, "then, If you don't mind I'll go to my room to have some nice relaxing SLEEP!" Now, that was a torture, and the strange in it was that I enjoyed it. "You know, that I was always beside you, I risked my life many times on you side, still you can't trust me? Then, goodbye! Tomorrow, I'll take my things and go, if you wish!" 

"No! Please stay!" he cried in panic.

"What for? Do you trust me enough to tell it?"

"Please, Watson, don't do this to me! Please don't leave me!"

"Sorry Holmes!" I said, but I turned back to watch him. He was shivering with anger, and his hands tightened into fists. But he was not angry at me, he was angry at himself. He had a fight in his soul, but finally, he broke. 

"I'll tell you everything. Either way, I lose you. Then I don't want you to leave with anger!" he said and bent his head, while I came closer and sat at the edge of his bed. 

"I think, I've already told you that my parents were landowners. It all started when I lived in the family estate, with my father, mother and brother in the country. The neighbour landowner was our relative, Alasdair Burch. I spent most of my free time with him. He was a bachelor and had no family, so he enjoyed my company very much. He was a very educated and handsome man in his mid thirties, so nobody understood quite well why he never got married. He was a kind of master to me. A teacher, a tutor. I've always learned from him. He was fine with arts, music, sports, sciences, literature…etc. We often went riding to the fields and forests. He also kept horses and he kept a horse just for me. A dark brown, with black mane and tail. His name was Dalius. But Burch had a little problem, he loved the good wine, but he was never drunk, when I came. I thought that it was just a rumor. I was eighteen when my family decided that it's time for me to get married, and they already found a fiancée for me. I knew her since childhood, and we were friends, but I never thought that she would be my wife one day. But I was so young, silly, I thought that it's normal to get married without feeling love for the other. I had no love before, so I didn't know what love was. But she loved me with all her heart, or at least I thought. So, we had the engagement, and I ran to tell the good news to my tutor, Burch. 

But Burch wasn't as pleased with the news, as I expected. He told me something about how bad it would be if I got married…or something like that. That I'm too young, that I have enough time to think about marriage, that I mustn't rush to throw away my youth. I should've known why he told me all these thing. But I was blind. 

I haven't seen him for weeks, but I often heard that he was drinking again. But I was too busy, with the planning of the wedding. 

One day, I went to see him. I didn't found him in his house; neither of his servants knew where he was. I decided to see Dalius in the stable before I go. But when I reached his box, it was empty but the straw was new and clean. I went in to caress the other horse's side. Then one of the horses, Auberon lifted his head nervously. I turned around to see Burch standing in the door of the box. He was drunken, and held an empty bottle in his hand. And he looked at me in an odd way. 

"So, you're came back? " he said, and closed the door of the box behind him. I was nervous for some reason. If only I'd known what he's planning! "Dalius is not here, I chased him into the forest" he said. I took a step closer and asked why he did that. 

"Because he was unfaithful to me, and I needed a free box" he said smiling and took a step closer. "This straw here is for someone else, it will be a wedding bed" he whispered to my ears and before I could react anything he broke the bottle on my head. I lost my balance and in the next moment he forced me to the floor and started to beat me. He was much more muscular and stronger than me, so it was not a hard work to him. I was still conscious, but I couldn't move. In the next moment he ripped down my trousers. 

It was then, I realized what he wanted to do. I strained every muscle to fight, but it was in vain. Then…then… it happened " he whispered, and his voice trailed off, because of his tears. I could hardly believe the things I've heard. This can't be true! I was shocked, like never before in my life. Slowly, my mouth formed the word, I didn't dare to speak out loud. 

"Yes" he said, when he saw this "he raped me! As I was saying, I tried to prevent him doing it, but I couldn't. I was a virgin for every kind of lovemaking, especially, this type! I wished I'd lose consciousness. Every move of his caused me pain, his sweat and his alcoholic saliva was pouring on me from his stupid grinning face. Disgust and pain, that's all I felt during that brutal intercourse, when I thought it was over, he started it again. I was screaming or at least I tried. I don't know how long it took. It was an eternity for me. Suddenly a strange expression appeared on his face and he fell on me. Then, somebody pulled him off me. It was Mycroft. He sighed in relief when he saw that I was breathing because, he thought that I was dead. He came to take me home, but when he couldn't find me in Burch's house, he started to worry. When he heard my scream, he ran to the stable and knocked Burch down. Then, he wrapped me, into a blanket and took me to his carriage. I lost consciousness because of the shock and I came around in my bed. 

The Doctor just finished my examination and he was giving advise to my father. My mother was sobbing, Mycroft was strolling up and down in the room, biting his lip and my father was cursing Burch, and he promised that he will punch out his eye, and castrate him. 

I tried to move, but I couldn't from the pain, and the Doctor forbade me to leave the bed for a few days. My father was planning how to take revenge on Burch. He didn't want to call the police, because he didn't want a scandal, which would ruin my family's name. 

Later, he settled to close Burch into an asylum. But he couldn't stop the rumors spreading among the people. And one day, when I was lying alone in my bed, filled with hatred, shame, disgust and pain, came my fiancée to visit. She tried to be nice but she touched me, as if she was touching a leper. Finally, without a word, she pulled the engagement ring off her finger and gave it back to me.

When I needed tenderness, love and understanding the most, she left me, and never came back. That's why I don't like women. But I could understand her. She didn't want to chain her life to a tainted man. 

This event started the avalanche. Slowly, all my friends, some family members turned away from me. When I got better, and went to the village, people were whispering behind me. Some gossips said that I was the one who seduced Burch, others said that we were lovers for a long time, but Burch got jealous of my ex-fiancée. 

Finally, I left my home and came to London with my brother. But I never spoke about it to anyone. Until today." he said and pulled away from me. 

I didn't know what to say. What could I say? For now, I was sure that the Alasdair in the letter was This Alasdair Burch. And now I understood why he's dangerous. 

"A few days ago I received a letter from my brother. He told me that Burch escaped. This brought back the memories and so came the nightmare. I didn't want to tell you, because I was afraid that you'd leave me, just like my friends and fiancée did. So, if you wish to leave, then I understand you! But please, if you go, then, go now!" He said, and curled up in a fetal position. 

I was wordless. I tried to make an order within my thoughts. But I was sure in one thing.

"Holmes! I- am- your - friend! It was not your fault, what happened and even if it was, you don't deserve to be left alone! You're a good man, the best and wisest man, I ever known. And most important! You're my friend. I won't leave you!" I said and he lifted his head up, not knowing if he can believe my words. 

"You won't?"

"I won't."

"God bless you, Watson!" He cried and embraced me tightly, while I could feel a teardrop rolling on my face. 


	4. just hold on

SHILC4

Watson's P.O.V.

I woke up to the sound of a soft thump. When I opened my eyes, I could see a snowball stuck on the window. I rose and gazed out to the early morning Baker street, and I couldn't help but smile at the pleasant sight. It was almost like a Christmas postcard.

The children were in the middle of a snowball battle, while the others were sleighing up and down the street. The owners of the houses were sweeping the snow from the stairs and they coursed the kids, when a snowball hit them. Of course, the young boys and girls didn't care for anything in the heat of the snowball battle.

However, I had to turn away from the winter idyll to see how Holmes was.

For my great relief, he was sleeping just as I left him last night. I watched his face for any sign of the nightmare, but I found nothing. His face was tired and hollow, but peaceful.

Maybe now, that he got rid of the weight of his secret, he will recover soon. At least he can rest now, and resting is the first step to health.

He slept all morning, but it was normal. It was twelve o'clock when he finally stirred.

"Good morning, Holmes!" I greeted him, when he slowly opened his eyes.

"Good morning, Watson!" was his reply and he stretched his limbs.

"How do you feel, my friend?" I asked and helped him to a sitting position.

" Fine and relaxed at least! But I'm hungry. I think it's time for breakfast"

"You mean, lunch " I said and smiled, when he realised the meaning of my words.

"Lunch? Did I slept that long?"

"Yes, but don't be afraid, it's normal!"

After this, Mrs. Hudson brought his breakfast-lunch and he ate with a good appetite. When we were left alone again, and Holmes finished his meal I spoke.

"Holmes, can I ask something?"

"About what, my dear Doctor?"

"Have you ever… " but I couldn't finish it, because of the doorbell.

"Who can this be?" asked Holmes, and I went to the hall, to see who it was. I stepped out just in time to see Mrs. Hudson walking up the stairs.

" Excuse me, Doctor, but there's a gentleman who wished to see Mr. Holmes. I told him, that it's not the right time, but he doesn't want to go away!"

"It's alright, Mrs. Hudson! I'll speak with him!" I said and went to the door.

In front of it, there was a man. He seemed tired and worn-out and nervous.

"Mr. Holmes?" He asked as he saw me.

" No, my name is Dr. John Watson "

" Oh, Doctor Watson, I have to speak with Mr. Holmes!"

"I'm sorry sir, but Mr Holmes is feeling unwell now, so he can't receive you"

" He is ill? Oh, my God, but I hope, it's not serious!"

" He needs rest and peace for a few days. He can't receive clients"

"So, he won't investigate my case?" he asked desperately. I almost felt sorry for him, but I was determined.

" No, sir"

" Oh, Oh well! It doesn't matter! I'll have to try someone else. Well, goodbye sir! Speedy recovery for Mr. Holmes!" he said and walked out the door without another word.

"Goodbye, Mr… erw?" I wanted to know his name, but he paid me no attention. I closed the door behind him, and went back to Holmes.

He was sleeping again, and he slept the whole afternoon. But there were questions, that still bothered me. I thought that I'll ask Holmes himself, but I had no heart to wake him up. Before sunset, I left the house. I thought that I'll go to Diogenes Club to meet Holmes's brother.

But, in the moment I arrived at the building I became unstable. What shall I tell him? It's the Holmes's family business and secret. And I guess it was an aching point for the elder Holmes too. Finally I realised, that I have nothing to do with this, and I have no right to ask Mycroft Holmes about it. I slowly turned and begun to walk away, when a servant ran after me.

"Dr. Watson?" he asked, and I was surprised, that he knew my name.

"Yes?"

"Please, sir, follow me! " said the servant and he lead me to the building of the Diogenes Club. He lead me to a room, and introduced me, to Mycroft Holmes, who was sitting at the window.

When he was gone, Mr Holmes turned to me.

"Good evening, Doctor Watson! What a pleasant surprise to see you here! Please, have a seat, and tell me, what brings you here on such a chilly evening!"

"Good evening Mr Holmes! " I said " How did you knew, I was here?"

" Simple! I was sitting at the window, when I saw you arrive. I thought that Sherlock sent you for some reason, but you were hesitating. You were standing in front of the building for almost ten minutes before you decided to go away. Something was bothering you, and I can guess that it's important. Am I right, Doctor?"

" Yes, you're right!" I said with a deep sigh and turned my gaze to my feet, but I could still feel the cold eyes of the elder Holmes on me.

"And is that has to do something with my brother?" he asked.

"Yes" was my simple answer

"How is he, anyway?"

" He is ill"

"Oh! I'm sorry to hear! " he said, but somehow, I had the feeling that he was not surprised. " I hope, It's not serious"

" He will recover soon, if he's staying in bed for a week or two" then, I swallowed " Anyway, the reason why I'm here is that…" I trailed off, still not knowing what to say.

"Yes?"

" That I'd like to ask you to tell me about a certain Alasdair Burch" the name had an effect on Holmes. He straightened up in his seat and his voice changed a bit.

" How do you know that name?"

" Your brother told me about him"

" And what else did he told you?"

" Everything " I answered and Mycroft Holmes understood, what I meant. And a painful flash of light appeared in his eyes.

" Then, what do you wish to know?"

"Everything that you know about him" There was a long silence before the elder Holmes spoke.

" He was our relative. The half brother of my mother. His life was the life of the ordinary landowner's. At first glance, he was just as anybody else. He was well educated, handsome, and most of the time, he was kind hearted. Somehow, me and my father disliked him. Maybe because he was a bit self-important. But unfortunately, Sherlock hung upon every word he spoke and he liked him very much. But we couldn't see the danger coming. There was a time, when we thought that it's good to let Sherlock spend his time at Burch's side. Burch was a good teacher, and he thought so many things to my brother, but I wasn't pleased with the situation still.

And then, one day I went to Burch's land to take Sherlock home. I learned, from the servants that they haven't seen their master for a while, and that Sherlock had already gone home. Suddenly, I felt worried and I was about to leave, when I've heard a weak cry. At first I didn't recognised my brother's voice, but my blood froze in fear.

I ran to the stable as fast as I could, and then " he stopped and looked at me" I think you know, what I saw. " when I nodded, he continued" I knocked Burch out with a staff and went to see my brother. At first I thought, that Burch killed him. For my great relief, he was alive.

I took Sherlock home, and he survived the shocking experience. But I never forgave myself that I didn't look after him better.

Shortly after these events, Burch was closed to an asylum, and he should remain there for his life. And the ironic is, that he really gone mad in the asylum. When the last time I saw him, he was trembling in a corner, rocking himself while he was singing. He said, that he truly loved my brother, and he never want to loose him.

Years passed, and my brother's wounds healed. He built here a new life, he found a new home and a new friend. " he said and looked at me smiling" You have to know, Doctor, that for a long-long time you were the first one, whom my brother called his friend.

But two weeks ago, there was a fire in the asylum, and many patients were gone. They've found almost everybody, except Burch. I told the head of the asylum before, to inform me if anything happens to him, and of course, he sent a telegram, that he was gone. I sent my people to find him, but they haven't found him yet. I wrote also my brother, to warn him the danger. For I'm sure, that Alasdair Burch wants to take revenge on him, and I don't dare to imagine what plans he has in his troubled mind!

Now, Doctor, you know the whole story! Is there something else you wish to know?"

"Just one thing. How does Burch looks like? Can you describe him?" For my question, Mycroft Holmes rose and opened the drawer of his desk.

"Here he is, Doctor! This photograph was taken shortly before he did **that** to my brother. Just imagine him a few years older and thinner!" as I looked at the photograph, my blood froze in fear. I felt the blood leaving my face, and my hands begun to shake.

"Doctor Watson! Are you alright?" I've heard the elder Holmes's voice calling me, but I wasn't alright. I felt horrible. The picture and the unknown man today were so similar…

"Quick!" I jumped from my seat " I'll call a carriage, bring a revolver and come, quick!" I ordered, for the elder man's surprise, but he did, as I said. I rushed down the stairs of the club, not paying any attention to the people I knocked against. There was only one thing in my mind. I had to get back to Baker street before Burch takes his revenge on my friend. And I'll never forgive myself if that happens!

Burch's P.O.V.

Finally the Doctor was gone. I watched him from a dark alley as he left. Then, I walked to the door and knocked. The old lady opened the door. I knew that she will want to send me away, but I had my plan.

"Good evening, Madam! I have to speak with Mr. Holmes!"

"I've already told you, sir that he can't receive you!"

"But I've got a very important message for him, from his brother " it worked, at first she looked surprised, but she let me in. In the moment she turned her back to me, I hit her. She fell unconscious on the floor. I gently lifted her up and took her to the kitchen. I felt sorry for her, she seemed to be a kind old lady after all, and I had nothing to do with her. She was just in the wrong place in the wrong time. I tied her to a chair and sealed her mouth with a scarf.

" Sorry Madam, but I had to do this " I said to her before I turned to the stairs. Here I was, just a few steps away from him. I ran up the stairs and opened the first door I saw.

I never thought that I find him immediately. But there he was, lying in his bed, sleeping peacefully. I closed the door and locked it with the key. I took the key out and threw it to the corner of the room. The silent knock as it fell on the floor didn't wake him up, and I went to the bed and watched him.

God, he changed a lot in these years! In my mind he remained the young boy I knew, but in the life, he changed a lot. He was older, yes, he was no more a boy, but a man. And what a beautiful man! With every passing moment, I loved him more. And my urgent desire for touching him grew stronger in every moment. Carefully I pulled the bedcover off of him. He just stirred and curled up in a fetal position. I wanted to see him, every inch of his body, to kiss him, to caress him before I take revenge on him!

Revenge for leaving me! He was mine, mine and only mine! And I wanted him to know this, before he dies. Yes, he can never leave me, I will follow him, even to death. And he Can't hide, I'll find him! Yes, after I killed him, I have nothing else to live for, and I'll go after him. Yes, we will burn in hell together in each other's arms.

I smiled at these thoughts and leaned forward to his face to feel his breath, the scent of his skin. God, how beautiful he was! My face almost reached his. Finally I placed a small kiss on his lips, then pulled back immediately. He murmured something in his half sleeping state. Was that a "John" I've heard? No, this can't be! But he opened his eyes and stared at me in shock as he recognised my face. There was a long silence between us, neither of us moved. I was sure that he couldn't believe what he saw.

" Hello my sleeping beauty! " I whispered to him " Did you miss me? " I wasn't prepared for the kick I received from him. He wanted to jump from the bed but I grabbed his leg. He fell to the ground and in the next moment I was on top of him. Yes, my time has come!

Narrator's P.O.V.

Waves of pain flooded him as he fell on the ground. His broken ribs, the wound in his side and his head were throbbing from pain as they hit the ground. But he must stand up and run! His nightmare became real, Burch was there, he found him. Another wave of pain flooded his mind as something heavy fell on him and pushed him to the ground. He looked over his shoulder just to find Burch sitting on top of him. Before he could react, the other man's hands were around his throat.

" Now I've got you, you whore! " he hissed " Remember me? Now, look at me, look what you and you're wretched family had done to me! You thought you can leave me like this?

" Burch, Let me go! Help! " screamed Holmes as loud as he could.

" Scream, just scream, come on! No one will hear you, no one can save you! " these words sent fear to Holmes's heart. - _Where is Watson?_ - he thought.

" No one can save you! You're mine, remember? Remember the stable? No? Let me fresh your memory! You and I, in my stable, remember? You on your back, I'm on top, I can still remember on each and every moan of you at each and every thrust…"

" Shut up! Cut it off! " screamed Holmes

" Ah, you remember then? " smiled Burch " Fine, then you know, what I want to do to you!"

" No, Burch, please, don't! " screamed Holmes and he gathered all his strength to fight back, but Burch grabbed his hair and hit his head to the ground. Then, everything went dark.

When he opened his eyes he was lying on his back on the floor, his hands tied to the leg of the bed, while there was a knife on his throat.

" Are you fully awake, my one? " asked Burch " Fine, then, let's get started!"

" Burch, don't do this!"

" Why not? Don't be afraid, no one will disturb us this time!"

" You're insane! You don't know what you're doing!"

" Don't I? Hah! I know quite well, what I'm doing. For example I cut your throat if you speak another word you whore! " he yelled and pressed the knife against Holmes's neck " Aren't you happy to see me again? " asked Burch " I even brought a surprise for you " he whispered into Holmes's ears, while he lowered his hip to Holmes's. As Holmes realised what he felt between his legs, he gathered all his strength and kicked Burch's side with his knees. The other man cried out in both pain and anger and he lifted up his knife. Holmes waited for the cold blade in his throat, -_at least this torment would end_-, he thought. But instead of his throat, he felt the blade in the dew of his left thigh, then in the other. He cried out in pain and fear, for now he wasn't able to move his legs to defend himself.

" You wretched whore! " yelled Burch and kicked Homes between his legs, with his knee, causing more pain to his bleeding victim " you thought that you can get rid of me that easy? That I'll kill you before I've taken you? Where is your lover now? Why he can't save you, huh?"

" Lover? " whispered Holmes in a weak, painful voice " What do you mean? "

" Don't pretend to be innocent, It's not suitable for a whore like you! " he said and grinned as he lifted his knife to Holmes's throat once again " Talking about suitable things, that night-shirt is absolutely not suitable for the situations " he said and with a few slashes, he

opened it " That's better! " he said, but then noticed the wounds and bruises on Holmes's body " What's happened to you? Who did this?" he asked

" I was attacked, by some bastards."

" Oh, that's interesting " he smiled and placed the tip of his knife to the wound in Holmes's side. In the next moment he cut one of the stitches " One… two… " and he begun to count as he slowly cut every stitch in the wound, opening it again. Holmes wanted to cry out, maybe somebody hears it, but he was too weak. His head fell down and he saw the pool of blood he was lying in. It was too much, and it was all from his body, it was all his blood, and it was still coming from his thighs. -_Too much_- he thought, and a teardrop escaped from his eyes - _Where are you Watson?_- he asked in his mind. But the only thing he could hope was that Burch didn't killed him. -_You must hold on!_- he told to himself - _Somebody will come and save you! You must hold on as you did days_ _ago!_- then he remembered something - _I haven't asked Watson to forgive me! I can't die_ _without this!_- he said and lifted his head up once again. Burch just finished cutting up his wound. The madman saw the sudden change on his victim's face and it surprised him.

" What are you looking at, whore! " when no reply came, he hit Holmes on the face

" Answer if I ask you!"

" You want an answer? Here it is! " hissed Holmes and he spit on him. Burch's eyes filled with anger and hatred. He hit Holmes with all his strength but for his great surprise, the detective gave no sound. He was still looking at him, with his cold grey eyes, with all his hatred.

" I was patient with you! " said Burch and he grinned " but I see, you want to rush with the romance!"

His grin became wider as he parted Holmes's legs and knelt between them. Holmes didn't look at him any more, his gaze was focused on the blood on the floor. Finally Burch begun to unbutton his trousers, and leaned forward, while one of his hands was sliding on Holmes's thigh.

Holmes was shivering from fear, and his eyes were filled with tears. He was waiting for the first painful thrust. Then, Burch lay on top of him, he knew that it can happen in any moment. He drew in a deep breath and shut his mouth tightly. He is not going to give the satisfaction to hear him moan or cry. -_Just hold on!_- he thought and shut his eyes.


End file.
